I admit that I nearly forgot about the Body Language Blogfest, hosted by Harley D. Palmer at Labotomy of a Writer. Thanks to Roland D. Yeomans for reminding me!
Below is my excerpt from Again, the Young Adult manuscript that I'm currently revising. I haven't spent much time revising the chapter that my excerpt is from, so please understand that it's still a work-in-progress (the self-conscious side of me needed that disclaimer). It was so hard to eliminate all the dialogue and only use body language!
[Excerpt has been removed to protect my work.]
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17 comments:
I would say Chloe is not a good loser. Love Owen's hand going back for our heroine's. You did a seamless job at removing the dialogue without the stitches showing. Bravo.
Have a healing weekend, Roland
Nice work. I like how the different uses of physical connection, touch, have different meanings/uses. Well done.
I love this excerpt! I was mad at Chloe myself! The nerve of her!
Great writing. I'd read this book. :)
Ooh! I hate Chloe! Great job on the no dialogue. Wonderful body language.
That's a jerk move, Chloe. Just sayin'.
Good scene. :)
Great post :~)
When she said...
"He disentangled Chloe from his arms and reached back for my hand"
...and that she smiled because she didn't want to appear too smug, I was all "HA! Take that Chloe!! He likes her better, so there." Which must mean I really got into the scene :~D
Brilliant job on the body language!
Body language and sensory appeal Well done.
Yeah, I definitely hate Chloe too. You did a great job getting the emotion across in this scene, no question! We know exactly whose side we're on!
Body language is definitely an important part of any scene, and I think you've utilized it particularly well here. :)
Loved this!! I can totally relate to this character and I dislike Chloe. I love how you described her hand as "the one Owen held".
Wow!! This is awesome! You did such a great job. :) Excellent body language!
Awesome. I think I could see where the dialogue should have been; but it worked well without it.
Good work.
..........dhole
Tough situation to cleave out the dialogue. Nice job.
- Eric
You nailed it! Great job! Chloe was horrible - but that is good I suppose as you portrayed her perfectly well! I do love the part where he reached back for her again, without paying hardly any attention to Chloe! Great stuff!
Until I read this, I didn't even notice how much body language your piece had. Very cool. But I like it even better with the dialogue.
This was great! Lots of tension, lots of conflict!
You have some great things in here. My favorite part was also when Owen reached back for the MC's hand.
One question, what happened to Dylan? Was Chloe with him, or just came by on his heels?
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