I ran across an interesting idea today: a First Page Blogfest hosted by Kelly Lyman. Basically, it involves posting your first page of your WIP and letting readers comment about it. I've done this several times on Miss Snark's First Victim ... but anonymously. I know I need to develop a thicker skin, so I'm crazy enough to try this. Please feel free to provide as much constructive criticism as you'd like. Being the nervous sort, I do have to add a disclaimer: this is still a work in progress, so please don't expect perfection. :)
Okay ... (deep breath) ... below is the first page of Again:
[Excerpt has been removed to protect my work.]
Posts
2 weeks ago
10 comments:
Interesting set-up! Becca sounds really interesting. Good characterization there. I'm assuming this is a YA book?
Oh! And I found you on the blogfest thing. :)
The way you introduced this character was really different and intriguing. I like her! I liked how you used small details to bring me closer to her. Nicely done.
You have a unique voice. It feels like a YA. And Becca promises to be interesting and funny. Not a bad combo. I wish you luck in getting publishedd. Roland
Nice introduction. I can get into the character at once and don't even mind too much that it's first person. Good job.
I'm trying to remember the original first chapter, but after envisioning your new chapter, I've forgotten the original... I guess that means that the new chapter fits seamlessly into the story! I love the version of Becca that shouts affirmation and has a wishing shrine... it totally fits her personality!
Alright. This is great. I'm already connected the the MC because of her pain. I can see her cowering in her room, trying to block out the fighting, feeling like she must escape. Then, the adventure begins.
PS: Thanks for connecting with me!
Great first page. I enjoyed the voice and could feel the character's conflict. Way to write!
This was very smooth and polished. It has a wonderful flow. I completely fell into the character's world.
I like that there is more movement, more action, in this version.
I would have liked a smoother transition between Emma thinking that her life was out of control and the shrill voice of her mom. And I'm not sure there is as much information as would be helpful between Emma saying that she's going to work in Tahoe and then suddenly being there.
I love that you've shortened Rebecca's name to Becca. I think it fits her!
Amy, this is so much better than your first go-round. This opening catches my attention and really makes me want to read more. Plus it sets up why she's in Tahoe and how she feels about her life.
I can't wait to read more!
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